Compensating or Compensated?

When Jacob was diagnosed to be born missing the right side of his pelvis, right hip and leg, they had also discovered that there was a problem with his right kidney. Once he was born, they did an ultrasound and was able to find the right kidney but told us that it was tiny and wasn't working although his left kidney was larger and was compensating for it so he could live a normal life so long as that left kidney stayed healthy.
It will be two weeks tomorrow that I had my second hearing test. She explained to me in greater detail how the hearing tests were done. She said that it is measured in decibels and that a person who hears well will measure at 15-20 decibels. During my first hearing test, as you know, I measured 40 decibels, this test, my right ear measured 60 decibels! So we are not going in the right direction as far as I'm concerned BUT God knows what He is doing. The fear of the unknown works hard on me at times but He has never left me in a place that was bad. I on the other hand have often called on Him once I've brought myself to a bad place in life so... I'm learning to let Him lead. The relevance of this story to the last is that during my test she first checked the middle ear to see if perhaps this was the problem and not the inner ear that had worsten. It was fine. She then put what looks like a head piece that a call center person wears, which the side without the "phone" was placed on the bone behind my ear. She explained that this bone sends vibrations to the inner ear and that's how they test the inner ear. She then told me that she will have a "white noise" in my left ear because when one ear can't hear something, the other ear compensates for it and will send the sound to the brain but we don't know which ear heard it; we just know that we hear a sound. It reminded me of Jacob's kidney and his situation. Later that night, I went to bed and laid on my favorite side, which happens to be on my left ear (the good one) and I believe the Lord brought back to my mind what the speech therapist had told me that day and showed me a spiritual link.
You know, the reason that Jesus told parables about different trades and health in the bible, is because the people where tradesmen and some were sick, so they understood the comparison. In my case, God took something that was familiar to me to help me be reminded and perhaps encourage others to be sensitive to this. In the body, the body being a group of saved, born again, Christians, there are some who are compensating and some who are being compensated for. I mean that some are working in the ministries, living right, being faithful, keeping their relationship with God right and renewed daily and then there are some who are being compensated for by slacking off, quitting when the going gets tough, are not faithful, are weak, negative, don't spend time with God regularly, have unconfessed sin in their life and live the way they are pleased to do, and not to please God. Those who are compensating need to be stronger, healthier and being larger in number would help but there comes a time when this stronger being (if you will) becomes tired and weak.... then what?

I'm not worried about my hearing. My left ear might become weak and perhaps the Meniere Decease might transfer into my left ear but that doesn't worry me, I can sign, talk and write plus, my Saviour is guiding the way BUT I am concerned about my family and my church and those who are not saved and need someone strong to look up to or depend on so they too can have the Saviour.

It convicted me that if I'm one of those who are being compensated for, I need to smarten up and start strengthening myself in the Lord and be a blessing and encouragement to my family and my church family, friends and even foe. If I am compensating for people who are dropping the ball, then I need to continue to surrender my health, mind and emotions to God's renewing so I don't get weak and become one to be compensated for. I know where I lack and where I'm stronger. Which are you and where? Perhaps you are not saved and feeling run down and weak. The only one who can help you is the Saviour.

Check it out!

Can you believe it??? I'm actually taking a bit of time to blog!!?? Wow!
I was reading in Mark this morning and just had to share what the Lord showed me, especially during this time of Christmas.
It's chapter 12 where Jesus tells the parable about the lord of the vineyard sending servants then his son to get the fruit of the vineyard but the husbandmen hurt and killed some of the servants but also killed the son. After Jesus tells this parable, he is questioned by people who have self serving intentions. One asks, after he smooth talks Jesus a bit, if they HAVE to pay taxes. Jesus asked them in return who's image was on the money and they said it was Ceasar's, then they were to give to Ceasar's and give to God what belongs to God. Another comes who does NOT believe in the resurrection after death. He comes with an intro to his question saying that in the Old Testament if a man died and didn't leave his wife children, she was to marry the next brother but if each brother died, having each been married to her, and left no children, who would be her husband at the resurrection. Can you hear the pompous, arrogant, selfish tone? Jesus didn't fret, He knew the scriptures so He was able to answer with confidence. He told him that there is no marriage after the Resurrection therefore no husbands and wives. (That sets a few religions right)
The next one was one of the scribes, one of the few men who could read and write, who was in charge of rewriting the Word of God (word for word). He asked Jesus which commandment was the first. Jesus said, "The first of all the commandments [is], Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this [is] the first commandment. And the second [is] like, [namely] this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these." The scribe then congratulates Jesus for saying correctly... hee hee (imagine...) The scripture was clear that there was just one God and the scribe was confused that Jesus could be God. He was afraid to accept Jesus as his Saviour because he loved God so much and didn't want to go against what God had said. Jesus saw the sincerity in his heart. He saw that this man did not ask for selfish reasons or to entrap Jesus, he wanted to believe that Jesus was the Son of God, God in the flesh but he didn't want to go against God either. He was comparing this world and what was going on around him with scripture and God appreciated that. Jesus then said, "Thou art not far from the kingdom of God."
I have friends who do not celebrate Christmas for reasons of the history of the 25th of December. It used to be a holiday celebrated to the unknown gods and with time, they added the celebration of Jesus' birth in there. From my stand point on that is that as always, God takes the pre eminence and is exalted above all else. These friends of mine love God probably more than I do. They live for Him and have accepted the free gift of salvation (gift... wonder why we give gifts at Christmas? God continually gives us gifts but Jesus was the best gift of all, to come die in our place because He had NO sin and could pay the debt of sin for us, but we have to reach out and accept the gift of the Saviour; eternal life.)
I have other friends who do Christmas in a different way than we do. Some have trees, some don't.
I say all this for two reasons:
(If you have come to a place in your life were you understood that you are a sinner (person who sins, breaks commandments like not lying, not envying, cursing etc) and you understand and believe that Jesus Christ is the only Son of God and was born of a virgin, lived a sinless life, was tortured, crucified and died on a cross for your sins and that on the third day, as He predicted, rose again and ascended to Heaven with His body. You have confessed the first to God and accepted Jesus' payment for your sins on the cross and asked Him to forgive you and be your personal Saviour, then you are a child of God. You are saved... saved from eternity in hell after your death.)

1. If you are a child of God, just love Him with your whole heart, mind, soul and strength. If you are ignorant in how you celebrate His birth, He overlooks that. He sees our sincerity or lack thereof.
2. We should read our bible daily so we too can know the scriptures. We'll never know them as well as Jesus did but it will help us make wise decisions and walk an easier path through life.

My friend, if you are like I was before I was saved from eternity in hell; feeling like life was meaningless, without purpose and full of disappointments. I wasn't suicidal, I felt like there was a world all around me and I was disconnected from it. Know that life doesn't have to be that way. Life is just that, encouragement, purpose, direction, full of reason, full and connected. Don't deny yourself of it. I have NEVER regretted coming to Christ and living for Him. He has done more for me than I could ever do for Him. He is SO worth living for.
He cleaned my life up little by little, gave me a wonderful family and is my best friend when I sometimes feel I don't have any that understand.

A- accept that you are a sinner and God is perfect without sin
B- believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and He died on the cross for your sins
C- confess your sins to Him and ask Him to come into your heart and save you.

Merry CHRISTmas

Are we there yet?

My kids love to read in the van, or to listen to books on tape so, we rarely hear, "Are we there yet???" As for me... God must be tired of listening to me saying it when it comes to my health.
It has been a long time since I've written and mainly it's because with homeschooling, sports, piano and trying to rest, is taking a lot of time out of my day.
Right now, our eldest son is gone to hockey and the three other are in bed sleeping so I have a few minutes to bring you up to date with my "issues".
To back track a bit. In January, I went to see the doctor because I was VERY tired most of the time, almost as if I was pregnant, but I wasn't. He had blood work done and some minor things showed up and he kept an eye on that. In April, I went to Bathurst and experienced dizziness, feeling faint and nauseous. I told my doctor and he sent me for an MRI but it came out fine so we concluded that it was "just" a migraine. The third week of July, I started having ear problems, mainly with the right ear. I thought it was just congestion and let it be. Then August 5th I had my first "attack". The doctor felt the symptoms showed that it must be Vagal which is known as Vaso Vagal, when your Vagus nerve is stimulated by either stress, or something you ate that is not agreeing with you and makes you dizzy, heart rate rise, blood pressure drop and vomiting. He could not guarantee that it would not happen again but what I've often heard is that one Vagal in a persons lifetime is normal. By September 11th, 36 days since my first "Vagal" I had had 5 Vagals. That was not normal. I was scheduled with Peter Ford, a renown Pharmacist, a cardiologist app., a holter for 24 hours, a hearing test and an ultra sound of the heart.
My doctor was convinced that I had liquid behind the eardrum and that was my ear problem. Well.... I had my hearing test yesterday and come to find out, I've lost 40BTU (I think that was the measurement they used) out of 100 of hearing. I knew I could not hear well in that ear! Then they also discovered that that my eardrums are fine, there is no liquid behind it. The problem is in my inner ear. I was told to expect a call from the ear, nose and throat doctor for an app. within the next two weeks at the latest. I got a call the next morning, today, from my doctor asking if I thought I could make it today. I said yes, the specialist called me a few minutes later and by 12pm I was being seen by the specialist. Drum Roll Please! (ha ha that's funny... DRUM... as in ear drum... ha ha... ok... never mind....)
The specialist told me that although my symptoms are similar to Vagals, these do not last 4-5 hours straight and leave you tired like I do. BUT Menière disease does. All the same symptoms but usually last between 4-6 hours and you are exhausted after, needing to rest for several hours after. That floored me to the exactness of the prognosis. Also, this disease is a inner ear problem and causes deafness. So, my ear did have something to do with all this. I found it strange that the only thing that changed since I started these "Vagals" was my ear.
Anyway, things get stranger. My aunt, my mother's sister, has had these same symptoms for almost 2 years now. We are pretty much at the same spot in our doctor/treatment/diagnosis journey. She told me that she couldn't wait to hear what they found with me because that would be what's wrong with her and visa versa with me. Another strange thing is that some believe that Ménière disease is often found within family.
Tomorrow, I have an app. with this specialist. She is going to give me a cortisone shot in the inner ear. ya... ... ... She said that she had to go through the eardrum and that will be painful but the hole will heal itself easily. I couldn't swallow nor talk for 15 minutes. OUF! I was worried about how long I wouldn't be able to talk... LOL
Anyway, I have a link if you want to read more about it. http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/balance/meniere.html
That is all for today, since I have some alone time, I'm going to vedge.

"We're almost there! ...."

What He could do with a softened heart.

I was reading in Proverbs, Exodus and Mark this morning. What really sent me on a thought tangent was Mark 6:34-53.
Imagine this...
You've been told that you've worked hard and deserve some rest. You and your best friends will be going on a short but relaxing trip. Some R'n'R for a job well done and more to come.
You are all ecstatic! A sigh of relief and you all start walking towards the ship, everything is ready for your departure. (Of course I have to use a cruise to keep things comparable...)
That's when it happens, everyone and their dog come down the road cheering and hollering at your guide (maybe that is your husband). He is moved with compassion. He can't bare to leave all those people needing him to help them out. To them, he is their Saviour but to you, he's your friend (maybe "just" your husband). What's the big deal? Maybe you could go without him. He looks at all of you and needs your help; he wants you to tag along.
Can you imagine that??? OUmph! I can!
It was the disciples who were being sent for some R'n'R by Jesus. He saw that they had worked hard and they were tired. Just then, as they were about to leave... in a boat... 5000 men plus women and children come around the bend, if you will. They wanted to see and hear Jesus speak to them. They needed encouragement and to be ministered to.
Now I'm fleshly, I'd be thinking something like, "I know they've probably walked days to see you and are needing ministering to but, what about us? We've been working for you, doing our best to cast out evil spirits, we've walked for days too!!!! Ahhh come on?! Can't you meet us there? ... MAN!" If you find that sounds a lot like what I would say, it's because I've been practicing...LOL.
Anyways, time goes on, the people then get hungry. I can just see the disciples faces when Jesus asks for them to feed the people. Ha ha ha.... It would be that, "You've got to be kidding, right?!" look. They must of thought He was insane. Picture it, about 15 000 people to feed. A little boy appears and offers his lunch, five loaves (not our size loaves either) and two fish. Ahhhh... isn't that cute. Peter probably patted him on the head three times and winked at him. Jesus says, Great! Thanks! That will do. Ha ha ha.... Again, imagine the thoughts going through the disciples. "Man! We thought WE were tired."
Well, there was enough food for all the people and there were twelve baskets full of leftovers.
You would think that this would shake them up a bit or blow them away. They actually get to see this all happen yet they are unmoved. How do I know? This is what happens next.
Jesus tells them that they can now go for their R'n'R, straightway (right away) they split, Jesus didn't have to twist their arm.
It's the night, so, they leave via boat and Jesus heads out to the mountain to pray. While He's there, He sees the disciples struggling against the wind storm that is going on. (Talk about going from bad to worst, I think I'd be in a really bad mood by now.)
Jesus has compassion on them and heads down there. He casually walks in their direction and they are "freaking out!". They are yelling because they don't KNOW that it's Jesus. He walks over there and gets in the boat. Once in the boat, the winds stop its fuss. ... ... ... ... It went from absolute chaos and fright to calmness and awestruck.
The bible says that, "they were sore amazed in themselves beyond measure, and wondered."
It's hard to imagine that they would not be saying to themselves, "Well I suppose He can calm the storm since He DID just feed about 15,000 people with 5 little loaves of bread and 2 fish..."
The next verse says that they didn't think about the miracle of the loaves because their heart was hardened.
Sometimes, our heart is hardened towards our family. They are "just" our family. Sometimes our heart is hardened toward people who need to be encouraged or ministered to and yet most of the time, our heart is hardened toward God. We forget what God has done in our life and what He still can do.
I have found that once I realize that my heart is hardened toward God, I need to go back to the day that He saved my soul. Like King David of the old testament said in Psalm 55, "Restore the joy of my salvation". We forget the miracle He's done in our life, so our hearts are hardened to not be able to see the power our God has.
Think back on the moment you recognised that you were not perfect; a sinner and you had no hope of going to heaven. Because of this truth, you called out to God and acknowledge to Him that He alone is God and sent His Son to die on the cross for you. Remember that day? What a miracle that was! He reached down to you and you looked up, ... reached your hand out to Him. He forgave you your sins, brushed you off from the filth of this world, hugged you and made you His child. Since then, you've walked together, side by side. He's loved you, encouraged you, taught you things about life and probably, many times, picked you up from falling; messing up.
Maybe today, you're sitting in the middle of a storm, thinking all is lost, it's no use, maybe you're thinking of throwing in the towel. Don't!!! Just wait upon the Lord, He's right there watching you and waiting for you to recognise that you need Him.
Once the disciples KNEW Him, I mean REALLY KNEW who Jesus was, they were on the other shore. They ran all over the place bringing the sick to Jesus. They wanted to see over and over again the power Jesus had and the restoration he brought to people's lives.
I don,t always have the excitement. I sure do want to REALLY know Jesus so I can help others to have their own salvation.
Although funny at times, the Word of God is real and brings such comfort, encouragement and direction. I thank God for it.

Mmmmm Salsa!

I am having a good Saturday. A little on the tired side but otherwise feeling good. My eldest daughter, 10, and I, canned homemade salsa with ingredients from our garden.
What a blessing it was.
Only one bottle did not seal but hee hee hee, that only gives me an excuse to have some tonight. ohhhh I can't wait!
Since we didn't have enough red tomatoes, we decided to put green tomatoes too. One tomatoe, that I was cutting the stem from, was green with a slight hue of red piercing through. When I cut out the stem, the inside was already red. It surprised me because I never realized that the fruit ripes from the inside out. The Lord reminded me that, like a Christian, a true child of God, the Holy Spirit changes us from the inside out. Sometimes, what's happening inside of us is not obvious to others.
Spending time with others and allowing them to get to know us, will make it easier to see the colors that are already inside, which to others, is only a slight hue piercing through on the outside.
God is so patient with us.
We had to change recipes for our salsa since we lost the one we used previously. I must say that this one is scrumptious and on the hot side... YUM! It's a keeper, so I thought I'd share it with you.
Salsa (makes 10 pints)
22 med. tomatoes (twice as many if they're on the small to med. side, we used 12 large red ones and about 6 large green ones)
4 bell peppers, coarsly chopped
3 onions, coarsly chopped
1 cup vinegar
3/4-1 cup jalepeno peppers, chopped finely (put less if you want mild salsa)
1/2 cup sugar (I put brown since I was out of white)
1/4 cup salt
1 cup (12 oz) tomato paste (we put 2 small tiny cans 5.? oz)
Cilantro to taste (optional)
3 cloves garlic minced

After getting skin off tomatoes, (dip in boiling water 20 secs., then into cold- skin falls off), chop them into bite size. Put all the ingredients into a large pot, bring to a boil and then simmer for 25 min.
In another large pot, bring water to a boil (to cover 1 pint bottles by 2 inches, at least), and place bottles gently. Place sealing covers in another pot half full of boiling water.
Use a ladle and funnel to fill hot jars with salsa, leaving 1 inch headspace. Slip a plastic knife or other non-metal straight object along sides of jar to release any bubbles. Wipe jar rim with clean washcloth for a good seal. Apply lid and ring and return into large pot of water. Water bathe pints for 15 minutes.

Enjoy!!

What's the verdict?

I've decided to bring to those who have been wondering, an update, via my blog since many are wondering how I am doing and telling the story over and over is draining. I don't like "sharing my problems" on this because I want it to be reserved for edifying my Christian sisters and to draw people to a relationship with Christ through sharing things I've learnt in God's word but, what I might not see, is how God can work in others through my trial so... here we go. Most of you know that I have been sick for the past couple of months. For those who did not know, it's nothing personal, I just did not want to alarm anyone or for people to make a big deal of something that probably isn't. Basically, on August 5th, I had what is called a Vagal. What is it? It can be brought on by stressed over a long period of time or anything that stimulates the Vagus nerve. Or it can be when something that goes, or should go, through your digestive system but something goes wrong. It sends an alarm (if you will) to your Vagus nerve, which is attached to all your organs including the heart. This nerve, in my case, sends a message to my heart. My blood pressure drops very low and to compensate, my heart beats really fast. With this, you vomit... nice eh? hmmm..... I also get VERY weak where I'm not able to stand or even sit; I just lay there, hardly able to talk and it's laborious to open my eyes. It's as if my brain can't communicate with my body. It is normal to have 1 Vagal in one's lifetime, I'm told. In 36 days, I had 5 Vagals... that is not normal. My body was trying to tell me that something was wrong but I did not understand it's language. (I speak 3 languages but this one, I did not understand) I have had MANY blood tests, that I was able to pass to Mr. Ford, from Ford's Apothecary, today. Until today, everything was a mystery. What was making my body react this way?
My husband was really worried that one of these Vagals would be my last; that I would die. Although this has not been the greatest experience for me nor for my family and friends, God has shown himself powerful and has done in miracle in my marriage through this. My advice to you would be, don't take each other for granted, you never know when you'll loose them. So, having said all that. I met with Mr. Peter Ford today. He is a well known Pharmacist throughout the world but mostly in North America, for his knowledge of the body, it's needs, and how it works. I filled out a LONGGGG form and gave him copies of my recent blood work, including the one done during my first Vagal and some that were just after and some on a normal day. He was able to see that my iron, magnesium, potassium and iodine are all low. (still in the normal range but on the lowest side of it) He explained to me that this is not a diagnosis, only a doctor can do that but from what he could see from my blood is that I am mineral deficient. These are important because this is what helps the electrical current in our system which affects the heart especially. When the minerals are low, we can expect very crazy things but in my case it was Vagals. He suggested to take mineral vitamins, since it is very difficult to find them in foods these days, unless you eat like a Japanese person.... LOL (Japanese have a high "sea vegetable" diet... Okeedokey...) (this is the part that my son Samuel will be envious of) Mr. Ford suggested I also drink half a bottle of Gatorade every day for 30 days. This will replenish my electrolytes. Sea salt is also recommended since in regular table salt, there are 2 minerals; sodium and (?) where as sea salt has 80 minerals! A hint was given to me. When I feel a lack of energy, to take 1/2 cup of water with a pinch of sea salt, within 10 min. I will feel re-energized. "It's better than a cup of coffee!" He also suggested that I still take every test that the doctors will send me to and to be ready for many of them. If they do find something concrete, I am to call him to let him know. I need to see him in 4 weeks to see how it's going. Time will tell. I am hoping that this is what was causing the Vagals although, I can't help but be overly thankful for them. I have gained an amazing relationship with my husband, new understanding of my body and probably prevented more serious damage, and I lost over 10 lbs(!!!!), and the list goes on. God IS good!
Now, I hope to be able to start running regularly again and feel capable of doing the tasks I used to do. I hope that wasn't too confusing, for those who have been praying for me, thank you and don't quit on my now. ;)

OH! I almost forgot! I'm also pre-menopausing.... (you can't hear me but I'm cracked up laughing!) Oh the joy of growing old... and shorter. lol

Ohhhh! If but only...

Just a quick thought as I began the book of Exodus.
It's worth reading the whole first chapter of Exodus to get the just of it but as an overview: Joseph and his brothers have died and there's a new King in Egypt who did not know Joseph and his family. (Obviously does not know his history)
This new King is intimidated by the numerous Israelites and how, even with great oppression from the taskmasters, they keep multiplying and are a mighty people.
Afraid that they will join with enemies, he says this to the Israelite midwives, Exodus 1:16, "And he said, When ye do the office of a midwife to the Hebrew women, and see [them] upon the stools; if it [be] a son, then ye shall kill him: but if it [be] a daughter, then she shall live." IMAGINE!!! This is my favorite part. Exodus 1:17, "But the midwives feared God, and did not as the king of Egypt commanded them, but saved the men children alive."
We who know the "rest of the story", even after the Lord Jesus Christ's coming, death and resurrection, can appreciate the faithfulness and obedience to God. They were taking a chance with their own life by obeying God instead of the King but.... can you imagine how different the story would be if they hadn't.
Now into the context of our daily life. If we could fear the Lord (fear meaning you have an understanding of God's ability, power and might to do anything that He wills, including your life's destiny) and live in complete obedience to Him, what amazing things could He do with the future.
If but only....

A Father's love....

It has been an embarrassingly long time since I blogged last. Somehow, the summer is without "official" school (homeschool) but I don't gain more time in my day. It must be because I get to do the things I don't do all year round like gardening, travelling etc.
My time alone with the Lord has not taken a back seat even with the summer being here but taking what He's shown me, to the computer takes extra time I don't always have. I actually considered not doing it anymore but a friend of mine told me that it is a blessing and encouragement to her so I will continue until the Lord says otherwise.
Now! Unto what the Lord showed me today, which was SO COOL!!!!
I finished reading the whole bible early this summer so I am in Genesis and Matthew again. This morning, I was reading Genesis 48 and was so immersed in it and only had two other chapters before being done that book and on to Exodus so I read the last three chapters; 48-49 and 50.
Now this time frame is after Joseph was thrown in a pit by his 10 brothers and eventually sold as a slave to the Ishmeelites, who brought him to Egypt. Joseph eventually becomes governor of the land there and is Pharaoh's "right hand man", after many trials and betrayal. Because he was favored by Pharoah, his whole family was favored and able to live in Goshen where the land was sufficient for survival. Joseph took care of his family there. These three chapters are about Jacob's last moments as he talks with Joseph and his two grandsons and then blesses them. He then gives his blessings to his other 11 sons.
(It's the end of Jacob's life, who's name changed to Israel in chapter 31.) Joseph hears about his father dying and goes to see him with his two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim. Jacob gives the blessing to the second child born above the first born. Joseph tries to correct Jacob but his father reassures him that he is doing right. Joseph doesn't understand but allows his father to do as he chooses.
As I read these three chapters, I was touched by the love this father had for his children and the wisdom he had although his sons might not of agreed with his decisions. I recognized the similarities to our Father in Heaven. He loves us so much. Our confessed sins, He forgets (Psalm 103:12) and sees His Son, Jesus Christ, in us, our righteousness. If this doesn't sink in, imagine being able to have no memory of the wrong your children have done and only the perfection of them. How much easier and abundant our love for them would be, but our sins get in the way of our love being able to be manifested towards them.
The two other things were more study type.
1st When they embalmed Jacob, it took 40 days. Jesus also fasted 40 days before going from ministering to the people to being crucified, for the remission of our sin. After His resurrection, He ministered again on earth for 40 days before He rose into Heaven with His body.
What the Lord showed me here is that it takes time for change to happen and to give life's changes TIME to take it's course.
2nd Was the order of Jacob's sons' birth. Usually, the firstborn get the inheritance. Ruben was the first born yet because of his betrayal to his father, he lost it. (same with us, we will not loose our salvation but after we are saved, we can affect our inheritance in Heaven, depending on how we walk here on earth). His father although did notice his character which was what brought Ruben to save Joseph's life when his other brothers, except Benjamin, wanted to kill him.
Judah was Jacob's fourth son, with the wife that he was tricked into marrying, yet that is who God chose to be the generational line to Jesus Christ.
It spoke to me two things. One, that God doesn't always do things that make sense to us but His thoughts are not our thoughts, they are higher than ours. He sees the big picture. Second, it doesn't matter what negative things are and/or were in your life, if you allow God to use you and live for Him, He will do amazing things with you and through you.
I also thought it was pretty cool that later on, there are two kingdoms; one named Israel (the dad once named Jacob) and the second Judah (the son of Jacob/Israel) then comes the third kingdom, that of Jesus Christ's but it was no longer an earthly kingdom but a Heavenly one. Cool....
So much to learn from God's word, the Bible. Selah

How merciful!

Good thing I'm not relying on my blog entering for Heaven entry.... because I would not make it. ha!
As I continue to read God's word, it continues to minister to me as it did this morning. Proverbs and Genesis both spoke to me and reminded me of my sinful nature and that I'm needing of mercy. It was in Matthew 12 that I really got a reminder of God's love for me. In verse 20, "A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench, till he send forth judgment unto victory."
The Pharisees tried to trick Jesus in the corn field about eating from the field on the Sabbath, I read this and thaught about the fact that the disciples had stolen the corn for food. It wasn't the left over but actual ears of corn. The Lord reminded me that Jesus was giving His disciples HIS corn... God owns everything on this earth. Then, as I kept reading, Jesus talks about healing a man's hand, and the Pharisees trouble Jesus with healing on the Sabbath. Jesus tells them the story about if a sheep falls into a pit, will the owner not leave his other sheep to go rescue this sheep even on the Sabbath. The Lord reminded me that I am His sheep, I belong to Him, I am His child since the day I was saved.
As I read further, and arrived at the verse 20, I saw the mercy Jesus showed to, as the bruised reed; the sinful people, the Pharisees, those who rejected and tortured Him. He still chose to be beaten, tortured and hated, nailed to a cross, die alone, thirsty and hungry. Why? For me, a bruised reed, a Pharisee, a wicked, sinful person. He could of destroyed them before He even went to the cross, because He owned everything we use, walk on, eat and need, but He didn't, He died on the cross ... for me, for you.
How merciful is that.

How God used my son Jacob.

I finished reading the whole bible once again so I started back in Genesis this morning, after reading Proverbs 17. I'm always amazed how God can show a new thing every time you read something again. The first chapter, as you know, talks about how the universe came into being. About 6000 years ago, over a span of 6 days, God created everything and rested on the 7th day. Then in chapter 2, it's broken down into a bit more detail, almost like zooming in, you see more detail but it is a recap. Genesis 2:5 says, "And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew: for the LORD God had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and [there was] not a man to till the ground." I found that very interesting... before things could grow, it had to rain and the ground needed to be tilled.

Yesterday, I spent time tilling my flower garden. The ground was amazingly hard considering we had had quite a bit of rain thus far. I used a tool called the "CLAW" the bottom part is the part that goes in the ground and looks like a few "W"s, a claw. Then there is a broom like handle with what looks like handle bars from a bicycle on top. (Sounds like some of the descriptions from the book of Ezekiel eh? lol) I had to step onto the claw part of the tool and pushed down so I could actually get the claws into the ground. Then I had to really work hard at twisting the "CLAW" to actually break the fallow ground. Why was I doing that? For three most important reasons: to loosen up the earth, allowing me to take out the weeds WITH the roots, to allow the rain to penetrate the ground easily and nourish the plants and third, so that the plant can also easily receive the nutrients/vitamins of the sun which could better travel through loosened ground. Here's the comparison. We, like the plant, can't grow spiritually without the ground of our heart be rained upon and tilled.
Let me give you one of many examples that God used in my life to till the ground of my heart and you'll better be able to see the purpose in it. It's the morning after I had the ultrasound for our third baby, Jacob. My doctor just finished telling me that our baby was a boy but there were complications. They could only see one kidney but if it was healthy, he could live a healthy life. Then came the heart dropping news. The baby only had one half of his pelvis, no right hip and no right leg. I was shocked! Things like this only happen to other people. How could this be? My world came crashing down. I was devastated. I didn't understand that God wanted to draw me closer to Him but for that to happen, the ground of my heart needed to be tilled; broken and loosened up. The doctor left me alone in the room to make a call to the children's hospital in Halifax. He wanted a more thorough ultra sound to see if there were any other "problems". While he was gone, I paced the floor sobbing. I was crying out to God in confusion; wondering why and how. Where was He in all this? What was going to happen next? I called unto God in need of help, comfort and direction. I heard Him speak to my heart, "I want to take you on a journey. Will you go?" I told Him, "If you walk with me, I'll go anywhere!" The doctor came in with the time and date I needed to be in Halifax and asked me the next question, "Since you are only 18 weeks, it is not too late. If you want, you can still abort the baby." I said no obviously. It was not for me to choose the "destiny" of this child. I was willing to allow God to till the ground of my heart, no matter how hard it would get because I knew that He would never leave me nor forsake me. For the past almost 8 years, God has helped me grow and experience life in a way I never imagine possible. I met amazing, and wonderful people that I would of never met otherwise. God had to till the ground of my heart in many other ways but, when I humbled myself and allowed Him to do it, trusting He had my best interest at heart, I always received blessings abundantly. He continues to bless me everyday, mostly with just having Him by my side.
I don't know what is happening in your life, but if you feel like the inside of you chest is being ripped out, that your life is out of your control and that you world seems upside down, maybe the Lord is trying to break that fallow (hard) ground of your heart and draw you closer to Him. Let Him, you'll never be sorry for it.

Isn't it funny?!?

You Know You're Getting Old When...

• All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.
• In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
• It takes twice as long to look half as good.
• Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
• No one expects you to run into a burning building.
• People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
• When getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
• When happy hour is a nap.
• When you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor
  
  instead of the police.
• When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.
• When you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
• When your birth certificate says expired on it.
• You are proud of your lawn mower.
• You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

Those who know me, know that I LOVE to laugh!! I love humor. I love having fun, the fast pace of life and being on the go. So it is no surprise to them that I think getting old is hilarious! Now... I have the right to say that because I AM getting old. :) :/ :( hee hee hee. Those who know me also know that when I'm nervous... I laugh a LOT! So, do I think growing old is hilarious or am I just nervous?????? NAH! I think it's hilarious.
I am having a reality check type of day and it's only 9:12 am.... could be a long day lol. I was getting ready, after having my 5k run, spending time alone with the Lord and showered. As I was drying my hair, I noticed, like every other time I blow dry my hair, those strong, feisty and proud grey hair. I felt almost surprised although I see them everyday! I sort of feel played a bad joke because in my mind and body, I feel 25 at the most and when I see my grey hair it spins me into a billow of thoughts about my life. Is this the definition of "mid-life crisis"? LOLOLOL, hahahaha!
The bible says, in Proverbs 20:29, "The glory of young men [is] their strength: and the beauty of old men [is] the gray head". It's only by reading the bible on a regular basis that a woman can learn that this scripture for woman could be translated that the glory of young women is their tight skin: and the beauty of old women is their wisdom. I might not have the shape or youthfulness I used to have but one thing I do have now that I didn't before is wisdom. Not a huge abundance of it but much more than when I was a young adult. So, as I look at my grey hair, although my hairdresser told me to say that I had chrome highlights done, I will continue to do what I can to defy gravity, without spending a fortune I must add, but remember that getting older is a privilege and honor. It is a responsibility to those coming behind us to show that life becomes more abundant, fulfilling and exciting. I guess in one word, growing older as I walk with the Lord is "richness". For those of you, like me, who's boat has left the youthdock, be encouraged and motivated to enjoy life at a new level. We don't have to be the Titanic but the Star of India. (It's worth googling... see photo)

Bruised reed and smoldering flax

We had an especially good service yesterday at church. We had a visiting family from Mississippi, (try finger spelling that for the deaf... it was comical) who sang and gave testimony of how each song was written.
I would have to say that my favorite part was when the husband shared about the reed and the flax. First, I guess, would be to explain what a reed and a flax is.
Reed: the straight stalk of any of various tall grasses

Flax:

"A bruised reed shall he not break, and the smoking flax shall he not quench".
I love how Mr. Miller explained that God is a God of restoration. He does not take the bruised reed; which represents us with all of our brokenness and being of not much worth, to destroy us. He takes us, mends us, uses us, makes us whole again through His forgiveness and love.
As for the smoldering flax. Sometimes, I can be compared to it. I don't have much oumpf in my life for the Lord. I sometimes get side tracked, distracted and while He's still walking, if you can picture it, I'm like a child who stops along the way to look at what is drawing my attention. God doesn't just leave me this way. He draws close to me with a large dose of compassion and lights the wick of my fire. Lights the way to my journey and sets me back on the right path.
God is so forgiving and loving. I wish I wouldn't get so distracted by the thing in this world. Sometimes my flesh gets drawn to things that I think I need but really I just want. God knows what's best for me, to keep my life from destruction and I need to trust Him.
16 years ago, by faith, through Jesus Christ, God the Father took me and made me His child. He comforted me, made me whole again, forgave me of the sinful life I was leading and put me on a path that I could of never dreamt of. He has been better to me than I could ever be. Why I get distracted? It's beyond me, but if I confess my sins, He is faithful and just to forgive me.
What an awesome, gentle, loving and compassionate God we have. The Creator of the universe, the Giver of many blessings.
I once was a bruised reed and am sometime a smoldering flax but God has made me new and has given me a passion for life and for people. What an awesome God!

Jacob and I both had a really good time last night. It was a three course meal and there was a silent auction in support of CNIB. Mr. McKeever told us his "story". His father was also legally blind, his brother went to the Olympics and McKeever is the first to be an Olympic and Paralympic athlete.
I really appreciate people who are not afraid to work hard and press toward a goal and be an inspiration to others. There is one thing he said last night that the Lord used to speak to my heart. He explained , "As skiers, we are in an individual sport but we each do our individual best to strengthen the team." I couldn't help but make the comparison with our walk with the Lord. We are Christians, who need to do our individual best by spending time in God's Word (the bible), in prayer and drawing closer to Him to strengthen the team, which is our church family. In a physical family, when one is sick, whether life threatening or just a virus of some sort, the family is weakened. The mother, usually, is taken with a greater burden to care for this individual. The father takes care of things that perhaps the mother can't get to like extra wash, if it's a flu, meals the other children. If it is a parent who is ill, either their income is affected, the caring of the house, the others in the family are neglected etc. The list goes on.
Four points that he gave as para-athletes, which is also very pertinent for Christians and their confidence in who they are in children of God were:

• labelling- not only society labels but we tend to label ourselves. If we will be know and believe in our heart and mind who we are, we can overcome the stereotypes and labels, therefore being more positive and confident.
• reach- We need to reach for the goal. Constantly on our tipy toes like children who try to reach for something that's out of their reach. There is a greater chance of getting what's out of grasp if you reach as far as you can for it.
  
• Ask for help- If you don't know how to do something or it is not your strength, don't be afraid to ask for help. Be willing to learn.
• Have fun!

All four of those points, in my opinion are very true as Christians too. It's hard sometimes to have a heart always fixed on Christ when the world flaunts it's fleshly pleasantries. It's hard to be an Olympic athlete and eat the right things when your family might be eating juicy, fatty hamburgers with fries and sugar pie for dessert. We need to fix our hearts on the greater goal, the big picture.
One day, those who have sincerely trusted Christ as their Saviour and have repented of their sin, will rejoice in heaven but how much better would it be if, while on earth, you had an impact on this world for Christ.
The apostle Paul often refers to our life here on earth as a race and that our crown, which was the prize after a race in those days, is not corruptible; it will not break because it is a heavenly crown, prizes for the things we've done on earth.
It was a good time last night. Jacob got to wear a real Olympic Gold medal. It was really heavy! Brian has a total of 10 Paralympic medals, 7 of which are Gold. Impressive! When I get to heaven, I hope I have at least that many crowns so I can place them back at the feet of Christ out of love and gratitude for the sacrifice He did for me on the cross, saving me from eternity in hell and setting my feet on a firm foundation; guiding me through life and giving me a purpose.
I am His athlete and God is my coach. I heard He's the best there is.... :)

Take Two!

Today I have two things I want to share. The first is not necessarily the most important but none the less is first. I am soooo excited for tonight! As you know, Jacob, our third child, was born missing the right side of his pelvis, hip and his whole right leg, yet he is a person who sees only opportunities. He recently joined ASEA which is an athletics association. He has been doing high jump, long jump, wheelchair racing, javelin and shot put. Tonight, Jacob and I are going to Brian McKeever's speaking engagement, which is a formal dinner. Brian McKeever is a repeated Paralympic Gold Medalist in Cross Country Skiing. You can't see me jumping around in excitement but I am. One thing I have learnt, since the Lord brought Jacob into my life, is that people decide what they want to do and being an athlete does not depend on the body's mobility but the person's "willability". I grew up doing all sorts of competitive sports like figure skating and cycling, none competitive like basketball, volleyball and field hockey and now, daily running 5 km, for examples. I can relate with pushing my body to its limits. I can not say that I have pushed it to the same point of an Olympic athlete but I can relate. So what makes an athlete? Here's what the dictionary says, ": a person who is trained or skilled in exercises, sports, or games requiring physical strength, agility, or stamina" I would like to push it a bit further. An athlete is someone who has the will to subject their body to extreme limits to bring his or her body under subjection to their will and desire for accomplishment of a certain skill. I respect that "able" bodied people do this but I would like to add that "disabled" bodies do it to a greater extent. EX: For Jacob, it takes him 300% more energy to go for a stroll compared to another child of his age and stature. When climbing the rope in gymnastics, Jacob had to use his arms only since that second leg wasn't there to help propel him, so he climb up to the same distance as the other children, some older than him, but with just the aid of his two arms. So, although a "disabled" person might seem weaker because his/her body is not what today's society considers "perfect" or "graceful", it is the will and the determination that makes you an achiever and an athlete. My hat is off to them because they are more of an athlete than I ever could be. This is why I am so excited to go to the dinner tonight, not only for the food that Samuel wants me to take pictures of (lol) but to be able to listen to a person who has competed with "disabled" and "able" bodied athletes and has risen to the top to represent our country Canada, at the Paralympics for the past several years. I really appreciate strong willed people.
The second thing is, what the Lord showed me in my bible reading today.
At the ladies conference this year, the main scripture was Micah 6:8, "He hath shewed thee, O man, what [is] good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?" And this morning, I came across it again but I gained a deeper appreciation for it by reading the whole chapter. So many people, including myself, get caught up in the PERFORMANCE! PERFORMANCE!, but if you read Micah 6, you'll see that good performance, if you will, only comes when the heart is fixed and devoted. Through this chapter, we see the Lord is pleading Israel, saying what have I done to you? When did I burden you? I brought you out of Egypt, gave you good leaders, King Balak seeked to have me curse you because he was afraid of you because you had many victories of war etc. You ask yourselves about how to please me, "Should I bring a thousand rams or 10 000 rivers of oil, my first born for my transgression." NO!!! God says, it is simple, not easy but simple. Nothing complicated yet, something that is so contrary to our nature that we need to lean and trust on Him to be able to do this. Imagine that, God wants us to depend, trust and lean on Him... Don't we like it when our children don't understand why, but they just trust us and go with the flow? Why can't we just trust in God, that He knows best, and that He will guide if we let Him. These two ... topics, are more similar than I first realised. If the visually impaired athlete chooses to go against the leadership of his guide, he/she risks to hurt themselves and maybe even risk the life of others. They risk to loose the race above all. Both athletes and Christians, need to set our hearts and our affections on the Guide, the one who can see far pass what we can see and trust Him to bring us to the right finish line because not all roads lead to the same finish line.

What's wrong NOW Jonah?

Jonah is not what I would of thought to be the type of person who could save a city of 60,000 people, plus much cattle, but God chose to use him.
After he obeys God, goes into the city, which should take 3 days journey but it only takes him 1 day, proclaim God's judgement, he's angry because God has mercy on the people of Ninevah. The people of Ninevah quickly repented and fasted as opposed to Jonah, when God called him the first time. God had mercy on the both of them but, for some reason, Jonah is upset that God had mercy on Ninevah. He leaves the city to go pout and watches the city to see what God might do, but He does nothing... so Jonah is upset.
God allows a gourd to grow to extreme proportions and Jonah is happy again. Then the Lord allows a worm to decay the gourd and it withers. Jonah wakes up and begins to pout again.
Jonah is a selfish, spoil, brat! Easy for me to say eh? (sounds like "A") I'll be honest with you... Jonah irritates me. (lol) He's what we call an E.G.R. person= Extra Grace Required person.
I do praise God that Jonah irritates me because it allows me to search within my heart to see if some of Jonah's issues are found in my heart. From where I'm standing... sitting... I see how God showed His love and mercy for a fearful, distrusting, weak sinner and chose to use him to deliver THOUSANDS of people. I have not had the personal experience of the latter, I can only imagine what it would be like to bring 60,000 people to Christ! i wouldn't be pouting, I would be doing a dance similar to David's ... not a pretty sight may I add ... but the rejoicing would be so overwhelming that I would not be able to contain it. Having the honour of being used, a sinner like me, to bring 60,000 people to Christ! hELLo!
Snap out of it Jonah... (yeah, I know he can't hear me... lol)
There's three things I want to remember from Jonah:

1. Never be afraid to trust God
2. Never underestimate Hi provision
3. Always rejoice at the sight of God's mercy for me and especially for others
   

Which are you?

In my bible reading of the old testament, I started the book of Jonah chapter 1. It's a good thing it's a short chapter because God showed me six pages of my notebook worth of learning lessons from Jonah. I was really pierced with what He showed me, and hope it will be a help for you too.

It never pays to flee...
"Now the word of the LORD came unto Jonah...But Jonah rose up to flee unto Tarshish from the presence of the LORD"
Jonah is running away physically but also spiritually. He must not of realised that we must worship in truth and in spirit. If we expect to be able to just be physical with God, we need to expect that God will be physical with us.

Steps of what happened.

1. Lord talks to Jonah in his heart
2. Jonah's heart rejects it
3. Jonah, in the flesh, flees
4. God sends a storm to get Jonah's attention
5. The ships mariners are afraid for their life
6. Mariners prefer to save EVERYONE'S life
7. God is stronger, mariners throw Jonah overboard as he asks
8. Jonah is put into a whales belly, apart from everyone

vs. 4 Even the mariners were afraid and called unto their god, knowing it was a physical storm which was begun by something/someone spiritual. They acknowledge that the spiritual and physical are connected. (Proverbs 3:6 "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.")

vs. 5 "Then the mariners were afraid, and cried every man unto his god, and cast forth the wares that [were] in the ship into the sea, to lighten [it] of them. But Jonah was gone down into the sides of the ship; and he lay, and was fast asleep."
It's amazing how someone who decides to ignore God can really be able to block Him out completely! Jonah is able to sleep physically and spiritually, while the others who acknowledge that "a god" was angry and they had to do all they could to save the ship and themselves yet, here is Jonah, sleeping in the bottom of the ship. He hides where, I'm assuming, the storm is felt less.

My question...
Is Jonah doing anything wrong? Other than running from God... is he doing anything wrong?
No, there's nothing wrong with taking a trip. He could help upstairs but, he's not being outwardly wicked or sinful. This is a justification we and others often used to deny being away from God.

God is definitely trying to get His point across.

The ship masters go to Jonah and ask him to go to his God and ask for mercy on them.

My question...
Are we in a ship with other people? Our church is a ship with others in it, our family, your workplace, class etc. They are people who depend on us to have a right and good relationship with God, so we can go to Him when others need Him to grant mercy, help, guidance, provision, encouragement etc.
The people in our ship are depending on us to be walking with God, not hiding from Him.

Definition of hiding:

1. to conceal from sight; prevent from being seen or discovered
2. to obstruct the view of; cover up
3. to conceal from knowledge or exposure; keep secret

Synonyms: screen, mask, cloak, veil, shroud, disguise, dissemble, suppress.

vs. 9 & 10, Jonah knew who he was and who God was so... I'm not sure if Jonah saw the connection between his running from God and the storm that God was allowing; risking other people's life, just to get Jonah's attention. He was either in denial or not very intelligent, maybe just not spiritually mature.

vs. 12 Jonah suggests that they throw him overboard to calm the storm. He thinks it would be easier to die than have to obey God and walk daily with Him. Obviously, God disagrees.

vs. 13 The men cared more about this stranger, Jonah, than he did for them. They tried to row the ship (the family, the church etc.) without his help but God wanted Jonah's attention so they weren't able to bring the ship to shore.

vs. 15 Question...
Will it take the ship's people to throw us out into the sea for God to deal with us and not have others to be affected because of our distance towards Him?

God prepares a fish for Jonah, unfortunately, it's not for food to eat (lol) but to segregate him.

In the pit of the stomach of a whale... ewwww! Can you imagine the smell, the "gooeyness" of the moist flesh and food that he was surrounded with? The bile all over him.... I wonder if he STILL thought dying was easier than getting right with God and walking with Him (again verse 6 of the 3 proverbs) acknowledging Him in every step of his life.

What will it take God, to get our attention and just trust in Him, follow Him and walk the path He has for us as individuals? Will we put God in a position of having others in our ship, to suffer because of our hiding or avoiding God? Shame on us!

The "Hiding Place" was good for the Jews in the "Ten Boom" home but, as a child of God, there is no hiding place but in His bosom.

I need to pay attention to my "crew" and to my relationship with Christ.

Until Then...

I have a complex day happening; my heart is heavy yet I feel blessed beyond belief.
Three dear friends of mine, who love the Lord with all their heart, are going through some really though times.
One has always been faithful to God, loves and serves Him the best she can, but her marriage has been falling apart for years. Her husband, although a nice man when he chooses, has been very emotionally abusive towards her, the kids and even the pet. She seeks God daily to have strength to continue trying until her husband gets a hold of God. This has been a long haul for her.
My second friend also is a godly woman. Her daughter was hit by a passenger van while it was backing up. My friend is presently sitting at the side of her 6/7 year old daughter hospital bed of the children's hospital waiting for her precious daughter to receive God's healing. A lacerated liver, bruised lung and kidney keeps this child in limp and weak.
My third friend has been challenged by marital issues for many years, her daughter was in Haiti when they had their major earthquake but praise God she was ok and came back home fairly quickly. Just yesterday, my friend brought her daddy to the hospital for the third time where he died in the afternoon.
I am so burdened for these friends of mine that I can't stop thinking of them. God has an amazing way of showing Himself in the darkest of night though. During my prayer time, this morning, I lifted my friends up to Him and He show me how blessed I was to have friends who no matter the heat within the flames, they have not turned their back on Him or given up hope in Him.
As I ironed the clothes, I was listening to the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir via CD and their song "The Light Of That City" really spoke to my heart. Here are the lyrics.

IN this house we've built of make believe
Loved ones go long before, seems it's time to leave
We will learn how to grieve to forgive and receive
Till we see them there in that city

Span of stars overhead, as we walk this road
While this darkness remains I will bear your load
And together we will tend the seed He's sown.
As we walk along the road to that city

On that day we will sing, Holy, Holy
On that day we'll bow down in the light
And then we'll rise turn our eyes
To the Lord Jesus Christ on that day

Though my eyes can't see what it waiting there
Though my mind can't conceive all that He's prepared
There the blind will see the sun, what was old will be young
And the lame, they will run, all over the streets of that city

On that day we will sing, Holy, Holy
On that day we'll bow down in the light
And then we'll rise turn our eyes
To the Lord Jesus Christ on that day

One day, we will be in heaven to praise Him for His glory, until then, we have a work to do; not be overwhelmed by the cares of this world but seek those who are lost and tell them of the precious gift God has given us through His Son.

..."Until then...."

Shout To The Lord ~ Lauren Talley & The Talley Trio

It's a good thing...

This morning, with still the news of the bear in my mind, I went for my run. I would continually pray about God's will, if I should go or not because honestly, I was scared. I kept telling myself that I needed to have faith that He would take care of me like He's done thus far.
I went, and made it to the edge of where the forest starts and saw on my right side a trail in the long grass, where "something" had walked and entered into the wooded area. I kept running and tried to have faith but my fear was greater. I turned around and decided to run not jog and get MJ, our dog. This way, I might not run (jog) as far as usual (5km) but I would get a good stiff run. I got MJ and headed back on the road.
MJ was excited! She ran! Ya, not jogged but ran. I ran with her and once we got to the wooded area, just a little past where I had turned around, she wanted to go in the ditch. I didn't want to wrestle about it so we turned around knowing that she needs time to get trained to go running with me.
We ran back and every time a car came she would sit on the side of the road. There were 3 cars on separate occasions... much training needed needless to say.
So we got home, out of breath, and sweating! I was disappointed that I did not have enough faith to do my whole run but I did the best I could, still got a workout and so did MJ.
As for what the Lord showed me in His word, in Joel 2:13, I read, "Rend your heart, and not your garments". It reminded me of a scripture in Proverbs 15:8, "The sacrifice of the wicked [is] an abomination to the LORD: but the prayer of the upright [is] his delight." We tend to over complicate things sometimes.
I am a "To Do List" person and because I like ordering my day that way, I tend to do that in my everyday walk with the Lord sometimes. I become more mechanical if you will. I go through my routine, and although I am spending time with God daily and keeping my mind on Him, as most as my flesh is focused for those moments, I can sometimes just go through the motions.
God wants us to just simplify things. Like the two men who went to prayer. One had a long eloquent prayer and the other just prayed with the sincerity of his heart. That's all God wants from us. He would rather we soften our heart toward Him and love Him sincerely, than do all these amazing things, but they be done with a hard and cold heart.
You know though, this is harder than the latter. Doing can be sometimes easier than taking the time to be right before God and have a soft, malleable heart.
As my day goes forward, I'll be thinking about my lack of faith but also that having a sincere relationship with God is truly the most rewarding and needed thing. God knows that I am afraid and that I am a weak human being who fears a torturous death.
Today was a stepping stone and Monday will be another one, maybe I'll run further (I am not sure where the bear came out).
God is merciful and He just wants our hearts to be sincere towards Him and our life be dependant on Him. It's hard sometimes but He is longsuffering and patient. Ahhh... to be more like Him. Selah.

I feel like David, minus the battle.

This morning was one like no other. It started at 5:34am when the Lord allowed the cats to wake me up by chasing each other across my bed, pouncing over my husband and me. I saw the time, so got up, grabbed my running clothes and went downstairs to get ready for my run. I filled the dog and cats bowls with water and food, turned the computer on to see the temperature, got dressed, put on my running shoes, my jacket and mp3 player and was off. I felt as though I was leaving a few minutes earlier than normally yet the cars I would see towards the end of my run were passing at the beginning of my run... hmmm that was strange. An oncoming car pulled over not too far from me, in the wooded area of my run. They stopped, turned their headlights off, on, off and on again. I was ready to turn around when they started up again and passed me. I kept running until I got to the 2.5km mark then headed back home. I was almost home when a little red car stopped. The man driving the car rolled down his window. I kept running at a slower pace and took my headphones out. He began to say in English then saw that he knew me so continued in French, "Hi! You'll want to be careful because we just saw a big black bear crossing the road behind you." He pointed towards the direction we both came from. I was surprised but not alarmed, which might of made him nervous. He said a second time to be really careful when I go running because it was a big black bear that crossed just after I passed. Since I started running in the fall, I prayed that God would protect me and He has shown himself faithful. I came home and told my husband that, "God must not be finished with me because He just protected me from a bear." So today, although the devil is on my heals it seems, I will praise God for allowing me to know that once more He protected me. That's why, I feel like David minus the battle.

Let It Change You

I am sure that I'm not the only one who has desired something in life and wanted it bad enough that I justified it and went for it. *GASP!*
Today, as I was about to start reading Hosea chapter 11, my eye was pulled to a scripture I read yesterday and was underlined. The words my eyes saw was "Trust thy way". I decided to read that verse again and like Hebrews 4:12 says, "For the word of God [is] quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and [is] a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." it pierced my heart and convicted me to reminded me of the wickedness of my heart and to guard it deligently. Hosea 10:13, "Ye have plowed wickedness, ye have reaped iniquity; ye have eaten the fruit of lies: because thou didst trust in thy way, in the multitude of thy mighty men."
Let me explain...
"Ye have plowed wickedness" You have something specific you desire to have or want to experience. It can be something "godly" but if it is not in God's will and you still desire it, it is contrary to Him therefore wicked.
"ye reaped iniquity" plowing your way to get what you want, against God's blessing or allowance to have or be it will only reap iniquity. It will only draw you further from Christ, hardening your heart and sirring you conscience.
"you have eaten the fruit of lies" what won your heart to pursue this desire is a lie from the devil. Like Eve, we can be so easily deceived.
"because thou didst trust in thy way" WHY??? "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart". We did not trust God's will for our life. Sometimes, when we don't understand God's decisions for our life, we make the mistake of analysing the situation and trying to change it or chase the desires or our heart instead of trusting God.
"in the multitude of thy mighty men." We often justify pursuing something by comparing it to the world. Saying things like, "this is not a wicked thing", "I know of godly people who have this", "God could do so much more with me if..." or "everyone has or does this these days". The "mighty" men, and women, of this world allow themselves any indulgence that might not be absolute wickedness but if the Lord does not want this or these things in our life, we must trust Him to know what's best for our life. He wants us to have life abundant and wants to prosper us but it's not always in the ways that we think. If the Lord sees this as a good thing for us and a way to draw more people to Him, He will bring it into our life, if He hasn't.... it is not the right thing for right now. Trusting God is hard sometimes; not because He has not given us reason to trust Him, He is trustworthy. We lack trust because we are weak and not filled with His Spirit. The fruits of the Spirit are Joy, Love, Peace, Longsuffering, Gentleness, Meekness and Faith. These are evident in our life when we trust God with our life.
May we not only trust God with the eternity of our souls but for the journey here on earth. Try not to change your situation, but let your situation change you, more like Him.

In the Light of Things

In the olden days, people had light during the day with the sun,and by fire at night with candles or paraffin lamps, but at night it was too dim to do much work. In modern times, we have light anytime we want, enough of it to function during the night as in the day. I wonder if the comparison of both is symbolic to the lack of acknowledgement of our God. What I mean is; the fact that people in the "olden days" depended on God to light their way physically, being able to function and do work; providing for their families. There was a dependency on God and acknowledgement that they needed His creation of light for everyday life; a humbleness, a reverence. Today, we are self sufficient. We have used the intelligence that God gave us to create our own light, like Israel, in the Old Testament, who created their own gods. We don't need to depend on God for His creation to help us provide for our families. We do what we want, when we want to get what we want. We are no longer dependant on Him for physical light and how symbolic it is in the spiritual sense; we no longer depend on Him for spiritual light for we have convinced ourselves that we are self sufficient and we don't need His creations, His sacrifice, His forgiveness, His mercy and especially His grace. How pathetic we have become, preferring our own light to His.