As if it was 400 years

I can't believe how long it's been since I've blogged.

I have been so busy with homeschooling, trying to be the best "manager of my home" and working full time, and making sure my relationship with Christ does not waver.

So much has changed, most good, although the body isn't as resilient as it use to be.

Today, I had such a sweet time with the Lord, and He was so gracious to not only answer my prayers, but assure me of His presence.

Sometimes, in the business of life, especially as moms, life seems to plateau. Nothing majorly bad or good happens, it just coasts.

It was like that for me. The Lord has done so many wonderful things in my life, but of late, I craved seeing His hand at work. The mundane of life seemed to had creeped in.

Our pastor preached from Luke 1 yesterday. The Holy Spirit brought to light, for me, that God had not spoken to his children, nor appeared, etc, for 400 years and now finally, through Zacharias, God's hand began to show movement. The slightest doubt or lack of faith rendered him deaf and dumb for the entire pregnancy of Elizabeth.

I couldn't help but think that it seems like centuries since God's hand has moved on my life. (somedays I feel that old) I remembered that Israel had sinned over and over so I asked the Lord to show me if I had sin in my life. He showed me something that was important to Him obviously, and now important to me, although to others, they might not see the problem or the connection.

I confessed it, and asked the Lord to move in my life. To remind me, even when life is just plateau"ing", that He's there with me.

WELL!!!!

He did! Tonight at work, I was talking to a guest. He told me how he had gone on vacation with his wife. He had chest pains while there, but ignored it. When they got home, they went directly to the hospital which in turn, he had 5 bypasses! He had had several little heart attacks. I told him that he obviously had someone looking over him. He looked at me, and smiled, said, "Yes, the good Lord was watching over me." Eventually, he said. I'm looking for something, more than just going to church and praying. I chuckled inside and thanked the Lord.

We spoke for a while. He is a saved man, but not growing. I encouraged him to read his bible daily like his mama used to, and to pray everyday too.

When he left, I looked at the ceiling and thanked the Lord for showing me that he's always there, just not always able to use me.

What a God we serve.

Sweet Sixteen....

I can't believe it! Today I'm forty years old. (For those who think there's a psychological reason I wrote forty and not 40.... really. ha ha)
I don't feel any older, actually I feel really young. Maybe it's because I exercise regularly, I'm not sure but I feel younger than I've felt... ever I think. hee hee hee hee Strange.
For those of you who have not turned 40 yet, here is my insight on it. For a woman, turning 40 is almost an accomplishment. Being 40 is like the sweet 16 all over again. It's a new beginning with taking care of yourself, your philosophy about life and your approach to it. You don't seem to want to "sweat the small" stuff anymore. Maybe it's that we've been ironing out the wrinkles of life and now they are almost invisible. (If we would use starch right from the beginning, we would have the wrinkles out a long time ago!) So much is coming my way in life that I'm really excited to see what's in store for the first year of this new chapter in my life.
(psst! You know you're getting "old" when you write an homage to yourself on your birthday....LOL)
This morning, I woke up to a sign my eldest son made for me it said, "Happy 40th!". I then got ready for my day and my children had made me breakfast, it was on the table with a note saying, "From Samuel, Dominique, Jacob and Marielle Happy Birthday!" In front of my plate was nice bouquet of flowers (fake from the bouquet I had at the front door hee hee hee) and with Sunny Delight "orange" juice. What a blessing! I decided that we might take the whole day off from school, make it a family holiday. ha ha ha.
The past few years have been hard ones for me but I'm Sweet sixteen again and excited about what's waiting for me.

Perhaps a False Expectation

I was reading in Luke 2 this morning, and the thing that struck me was that Mary and Joseph, although they had been visited by the angel Gabriel, had seen the miraculous, immaculate birth of Jesus, still found themselves surprise and confused by comments of Jesus' future.
Ex: 8 days after Jesus' birth, as was the Jewish custom, Mary and Joseph went to have Jesus circumcised. Simeon, a just and devout man, waited for the Messiah to come one day and when he saw Jesus coming in the arms of His parents, he spoke of Jesus' purpose on earth. The bible says that Mary and Joseph marvelled at the things that Simeon said. Later on in this chapter, Jesus is left behind in Jerusalem by accident. His parents thought He was with other members of the family but once they returned to Jerusalem and found Him teaching elders about the bible, they were puzzled and asked Jesus why He did this to them. He asked them why were they looking for Him? Didn't they know He had to be doing His Father's business? Again, they were struck with confusion.
I can't help but wonder if they misunderstood God's message to them that came from Gabriel.
During this time, there were no Jewish king as there had been many years ago, (Old Testament) and they were oppressed by the Roman King. Life for the Jewish people was lived in fear and oppression. They hoped for a Jewish king to rule them and some misunderstood Jesus to be that future earthly king. I wonder if His mom and "step" dad thought that too, so when they heard He would be the Saviour of the world, and doing "His" Father's business, which Joseph was a carpenter, not a priest or scribe, this would confuse them.
How does this apply to us, to me? I think the main reason we get disappointed with life, is because we have a false expectation of God's purpose for our life. We would like to see things in a different way, for life to treat us in a different way and have more of what we want. Sometimes, we see that we are living the way we should but life seems purposeless. Sometimes, although we are saved and doing the best we can, we're still unhappy. A false expectation...
I know that God has a plan for each individual person on this earth. First, is that all shall come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9) second, that we should take up our cross and follow Him (Matthew 16:24; Mark 8:34; Mark 10:21; Luke 9:23) and that we should tell others about Salvation through faith in Jesus the Christ (Matt 28:19-20; Mark 16:15,16; Luke 24:27 etc). Those three things give us freedom, peace, hope, joy, purpose and direction in life; what else would a person want? If we are unhappy, I believe it's because we have a false expectation of our life here on earth. Just like Mary and Joseph had a false expectation of Jesus' future.

This Day...

The shepherds are in the field watching their flock of sheep. How boring this must be. Shepherds were usually a young boy of a family having sheep. These sheep needed to wander so this occupation of being a shepherd was a lonely one and usually they were the member of the family which did not inherit land hence having this "job" enabled them to have an income but the opportunity to have a family was very slim. All they did was live in the wilderness, in the rocky areas and tend to their sheep's needs and brought them to market for milking and for shearing. One night, as they individually, in their own spots, stood watch over their sheep, the sky lit up. Picture it, put yourself in their situation. Imagine, you're at work, at school or driving your car. All of a sudden, the sky lights up and you hear an audible voice. You'd be "freaking out"!!! You hear this "voice" say, "Don't be afraid, I'm bringing you good news". PHHHHHEWWWWWW!!! You'd probably say. (Hopefully, by this time, you've pulled over if your driving.) What this good news is, is that "a baby is born"! "Now wait a minute....!" you're thinking to yourself. "So what a baby is born, unless it's mine, who cares!? This is MY "good news"?" The voice continues and says, "...unto you is born this day... a Saviour." You think to everything that's going on in the world:

• The price of gas is so high
• Just the essential food is becoming harder to buy
• Cancer is wide spread and killing our families
• the uproar in the middle East and Egypt
• Schools conditions and making children sick
• Spouses cheating and families destroyed
• Your loneliness in all this chaos

You think, "A Saviour?" Just like the shepherds had become immune to the thought of a child being born, we have become immune to the knowledge of their being a Saviour. The shepherds saw their sheep give birth many times, they would even assist and take care of both the mother and lamb. As we have seen the wooden crosses on the many churches and heard the name of Jesus and His story over and over but we've become separated, bored, immune and unable to be affected or changed by the "Saviour". Things happen in our life and although it might not be the sky lit up and an audible voice that speaks to us. It might be our family member who's dying of cancer or watching the desperate plea of the people in Egypt or maybe it's your heat that longs to belong to someone and desires to share your life with someone, THAT calls your attention and wants to tell you that a long time ago, a baby was born, a Saviour. He grew up, lived, just so that one day, He could be betrayed, tortured, beaten and literally hung with nails on a wooden cross to die. The only reason this all happen was so that He could save you. Save you from the pain of this world, save you from the yearning for peace and purpose... to save you from eternity in hell.

"... unto YOU is born... a Saviour"

• A- Accept you are a sinner and God is God.
• B-Believe He died on the cross to forgive you and save you.
• C-Confess you are a sinner and your sins
• D-Desire Him to be your Saviour and ask Him to come into your heart and save you.

I can only imagine what it must of been like, but I can live it today; He's my Saviour.

MY JESUS I LOVE THEE with Lyrics

Attitude determines altitude.

(A message from Bro. Trieber, the preacher at North Valley Baptist Church)

Dear Friends,

In Proverbs 23:7, we read, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…” Thoughts that should engage the mind of a Christian—thoughts that will eventually manifest themselves into behavior and speech, failure or success—are delineated in Philippians 4:8: “…whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

However, it seems as if we live in a day when waves of negativity surge from all points of life, effecting tsunamis of pessimism and hopelessness. News reports and discussions about the state of the economy, subprime loans, unemployment—all are negative. Almost daily, someone we know is diagnosed with cancer or another grave illness; and our hearts grow heavy with their suffering.

Subsequently, all of these sorrows and hardships consume our thoughts until we fail to remember that “there is a God in heaven.” (Daniel 2:28) May I remind God’s people that the Bible is replete with times when the power and faithfulness of the Lord prevailed when all else might have appeared impossible? Recall Moses and the crossing of the Red Sea, Gideon and his diminutive army of three hundred, David and the giant Goliath, Elijah’s contest of power and faith on Mount Carmel, the feeding of thousands with five loaves and two fishes, the healing of “those that were lame, blind, dumb, maimed, and many others,” (Matthew 15:31) and hundreds of other illustrations and miracles in the Old as well as New Testament. Remember the times in your life and the personal testimonies of others when the Lord intervened and “wrought a great victory.”

Rather than succumb to negativity, I encourage each of you to perceive every obstacle as well as opportunity with the eyes of faith and trust. God’s people can be optimistic about whatever the outcome may be, for the Lord “… is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think.” (Ephesians 3:20) I am also reminded of Psalm 78:19 which says, “Can God furnish a table in the wilderness?” Our answer is a resounding: “God can!” Many years ago, I was given a small placard which now sits on my desk; it reads: “It can be done!” I believe that this country and the New Testament local church are poised for some of the greatest moments in history. Throughout Scripture, we see instances when God blesses a remnant; and “even so then at this present time also there is a remnant.” I challenge all preachers to mount their pulpits this Sunday not with the spirit of hopelessness and despair but with faith and confidence that God is able. I urge all homes (father and mother, child and teenager, husband and wife, single adult, senior saint, etc.) to believe that God is able. Our Lord wants to show Himself powerful in these days—days that might appear to be uncertain; His eyes “run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him.” (II Chronicles 16:9)

These may be dark times; but we must not give up, give over, or give in; rather, let us look up and believe that our Lord can and will meet every need. “We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.” (II Corinthians 4:8-9)

Please remember today that God can. Thank you for being my friends and for being an encouragement to me. God bless you.

Your friend,
Bro. Trieber

Watch the Lamb

How Can It Be?

Notes taken from my bible reading in Mark 15. Strange how desperately people would prefer to have a killer on the loose than have Jesus in their life. (vs. 7 & 8) Seems extreme but people are the same today, preferring their indulgence in sin instead of having Jesus in their life. Really good people make this choice too. They don't even have a reason...(vs. 14)REALLY!?(like my friend Izzy would say lol) Pilate asked "Why do you want me to crucify Him?" but they answered nothing just yelled out louder. For what reason? They will see God do miracles in people's life, change people and provide in many ways, yet they would prefer to live in fear and miserably than have Jesus in their life. Why is that? Like Pilate, I'm baffled by that. It doesn't make sens. I wonder if Cyrenian, the man who helped carry Jesus' cross, was one of those who insisted Jesus be crucified. You know, he was there with his 2 sons, Alexander and Rufus (poor kid) (vs. 21) Let's say he wasn't since it says, "who passed by, coming out of the country" (vs.21) People from everywhere knew "about" Jesus, maybe even his sons. As the soldiers "compelled" him to carry the cross, imagine what went through those boys' and father's mind. Maybe things like:

• "WHAT?! It can't be!"
• "How could anyone want THIS man to be killed?"
• "I heard the religious people were angry with Him but to kill Him? Maybe they'll kill me next."

The questions they must of had but, then to watch Jesus hanging on that cross... *sigh*

"How can it be?"

How can it be that:

• I should gain by His sufferance and death?
• people can reject Him who has done so much?
• that people blame Him for the hurt people do to others?
• I don't serve Him?
• I don't prefer Him to the pleasures of this world?

How can it be?

To see the video, click on left margin under "February", "Watch the Lamb" which is my favorite video ever. It's a perspective into Cyrenian's experience.

Food for Thought Monday

Both "Wisdom" and the "Harlot" are in the streets seeking the simple, the main differences are:

The Harlot (Proverbs 7:12)

1. loud
2. stubborn
3. deceitful
4. etc.

Wisdom (Proverbs 2:20)

1. giving
2. loving
3. protective
4. etc.

Learn to recognize them that you may make the right decisions and not be trapped.

Proverbs 19:20 "Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end."

The altar

Last night, since bible study was cancelled, the children and I watched North Valley Baptist Church's online archived preaching. One of my favorite preachers is Mike Johnson and he preached on September 13, 2010.
We watched and laughed but most of all, God spoke to my heart.
It's really worth watching. Just go to www.nvbc.org , then click on the archived video which is beside the photograph of the church's pastor, Bro. Trieber. Click on the link, scroll down until you see Mike Johnson or the date of Sept. 13, 2010. You can watch the whole thing but since it is the pastor and workers conference, there are many announcements and awards so we just skipped that after a while. I put the sliding cursor that shows the time in play, to the middle and the preaching started soon after.
The one major thing that spoke to me was the altar. The altar is a place of:

• Yieldedness
• Supplication
• Separation

I need to "rebuild" my altar so it will be a place of these three purposes. During my prayer time, while at my altar (obviously figuratively), my heart needs to be surrendered, humbled.
His message, was and is, just what I needed to hear; doing all the "right" things; what I'm "supposed" to do, but yet the fire of God is missing.
I'm "just" a stay at home mom and sometimes I get caught up in the routine of things and feel like I'm doing nothing for God. I forget to look at the big picture, "see the need" and go to my altar to ask God, after I've done all I need and supposed to do, and ask Him to send the fire.
Yesterday, I was torn if I should go to church or not because of the weather. I said to God, "Lord, I'm throwing out the fleece. If it is your will for me to stay home, have pastor cancel church." and he did. When church is cancelled, we always watch "church" online with Bro. Trieber, so we are not forsaking the assembling of the church and I always get blessed and taught something that is lacking in my life.
The other thing the Lord spoke to me about is that I need to start blogging again. He's the one who had me start but He never said to stop. I can't imagine what I can put on it that would make a big difference but He obviously thinks there is so... keep me accountable as I try to make sure that I blog at least 3 times a week, the things God is showing me and teaching me.

Compensating or Compensated?

When Jacob was diagnosed to be born missing the right side of his pelvis, right hip and leg, they had also discovered that there was a problem with his right kidney. Once he was born, they did an ultrasound and was able to find the right kidney but told us that it was tiny and wasn't working although his left kidney was larger and was compensating for it so he could live a normal life so long as that left kidney stayed healthy.
It will be two weeks tomorrow that I had my second hearing test. She explained to me in greater detail how the hearing tests were done. She said that it is measured in decibels and that a person who hears well will measure at 15-20 decibels. During my first hearing test, as you know, I measured 40 decibels, this test, my right ear measured 60 decibels! So we are not going in the right direction as far as I'm concerned BUT God knows what He is doing. The fear of the unknown works hard on me at times but He has never left me in a place that was bad. I on the other hand have often called on Him once I've brought myself to a bad place in life so... I'm learning to let Him lead. The relevance of this story to the last is that during my test she first checked the middle ear to see if perhaps this was the problem and not the inner ear that had worsten. It was fine. She then put what looks like a head piece that a call center person wears, which the side without the "phone" was placed on the bone behind my ear. She explained that this bone sends vibrations to the inner ear and that's how they test the inner ear. She then told me that she will have a "white noise" in my left ear because when one ear can't hear something, the other ear compensates for it and will send the sound to the brain but we don't know which ear heard it; we just know that we hear a sound. It reminded me of Jacob's kidney and his situation. Later that night, I went to bed and laid on my favorite side, which happens to be on my left ear (the good one) and I believe the Lord brought back to my mind what the speech therapist had told me that day and showed me a spiritual link.
You know, the reason that Jesus told parables about different trades and health in the bible, is because the people where tradesmen and some were sick, so they understood the comparison. In my case, God took something that was familiar to me to help me be reminded and perhaps encourage others to be sensitive to this. In the body, the body being a group of saved, born again, Christians, there are some who are compensating and some who are being compensated for. I mean that some are working in the ministries, living right, being faithful, keeping their relationship with God right and renewed daily and then there are some who are being compensated for by slacking off, quitting when the going gets tough, are not faithful, are weak, negative, don't spend time with God regularly, have unconfessed sin in their life and live the way they are pleased to do, and not to please God. Those who are compensating need to be stronger, healthier and being larger in number would help but there comes a time when this stronger being (if you will) becomes tired and weak.... then what?

I'm not worried about my hearing. My left ear might become weak and perhaps the Meniere Decease might transfer into my left ear but that doesn't worry me, I can sign, talk and write plus, my Saviour is guiding the way BUT I am concerned about my family and my church and those who are not saved and need someone strong to look up to or depend on so they too can have the Saviour.

It convicted me that if I'm one of those who are being compensated for, I need to smarten up and start strengthening myself in the Lord and be a blessing and encouragement to my family and my church family, friends and even foe. If I am compensating for people who are dropping the ball, then I need to continue to surrender my health, mind and emotions to God's renewing so I don't get weak and become one to be compensated for. I know where I lack and where I'm stronger. Which are you and where? Perhaps you are not saved and feeling run down and weak. The only one who can help you is the Saviour.

Check it out!

Can you believe it??? I'm actually taking a bit of time to blog!!?? Wow!
I was reading in Mark this morning and just had to share what the Lord showed me, especially during this time of Christmas.
It's chapter 12 where Jesus tells the parable about the lord of the vineyard sending servants then his son to get the fruit of the vineyard but the husbandmen hurt and killed some of the servants but also killed the son. After Jesus tells this parable, he is questioned by people who have self serving intentions. One asks, after he smooth talks Jesus a bit, if they HAVE to pay taxes. Jesus asked them in return who's image was on the money and they said it was Ceasar's, then they were to give to Ceasar's and give to God what belongs to God. Another comes who does NOT believe in the resurrection after death. He comes with an intro to his question saying that in the Old Testament if a man died and didn't leave his wife children, she was to marry the next brother but if each brother died, having each been married to her, and left no children, who would be her husband at the resurrection. Can you hear the pompous, arrogant, selfish tone? Jesus didn't fret, He knew the scriptures so He was able to answer with confidence. He told him that there is no marriage after the Resurrection therefore no husbands and wives. (That sets a few religions right)
The next one was one of the scribes, one of the few men who could read and write, who was in charge of rewriting the Word of God (word for word). He asked Jesus which commandment was the first. Jesus said, "The first of all the commandments [is], Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this [is] the first commandment. And the second [is] like, [namely] this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these." The scribe then congratulates Jesus for saying correctly... hee hee (imagine...) The scripture was clear that there was just one God and the scribe was confused that Jesus could be God. He was afraid to accept Jesus as his Saviour because he loved God so much and didn't want to go against what God had said. Jesus saw the sincerity in his heart. He saw that this man did not ask for selfish reasons or to entrap Jesus, he wanted to believe that Jesus was the Son of God, God in the flesh but he didn't want to go against God either. He was comparing this world and what was going on around him with scripture and God appreciated that. Jesus then said, "Thou art not far from the kingdom of God."
I have friends who do not celebrate Christmas for reasons of the history of the 25th of December. It used to be a holiday celebrated to the unknown gods and with time, they added the celebration of Jesus' birth in there. From my stand point on that is that as always, God takes the pre eminence and is exalted above all else. These friends of mine love God probably more than I do. They live for Him and have accepted the free gift of salvation (gift... wonder why we give gifts at Christmas? God continually gives us gifts but Jesus was the best gift of all, to come die in our place because He had NO sin and could pay the debt of sin for us, but we have to reach out and accept the gift of the Saviour; eternal life.)
I have other friends who do Christmas in a different way than we do. Some have trees, some don't.
I say all this for two reasons:
(If you have come to a place in your life were you understood that you are a sinner (person who sins, breaks commandments like not lying, not envying, cursing etc) and you understand and believe that Jesus Christ is the only Son of God and was born of a virgin, lived a sinless life, was tortured, crucified and died on a cross for your sins and that on the third day, as He predicted, rose again and ascended to Heaven with His body. You have confessed the first to God and accepted Jesus' payment for your sins on the cross and asked Him to forgive you and be your personal Saviour, then you are a child of God. You are saved... saved from eternity in hell after your death.)

1. If you are a child of God, just love Him with your whole heart, mind, soul and strength. If you are ignorant in how you celebrate His birth, He overlooks that. He sees our sincerity or lack thereof.
2. We should read our bible daily so we too can know the scriptures. We'll never know them as well as Jesus did but it will help us make wise decisions and walk an easier path through life.

My friend, if you are like I was before I was saved from eternity in hell; feeling like life was meaningless, without purpose and full of disappointments. I wasn't suicidal, I felt like there was a world all around me and I was disconnected from it. Know that life doesn't have to be that way. Life is just that, encouragement, purpose, direction, full of reason, full and connected. Don't deny yourself of it. I have NEVER regretted coming to Christ and living for Him. He has done more for me than I could ever do for Him. He is SO worth living for.
He cleaned my life up little by little, gave me a wonderful family and is my best friend when I sometimes feel I don't have any that understand.

A- accept that you are a sinner and God is perfect without sin
B- believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and He died on the cross for your sins
C- confess your sins to Him and ask Him to come into your heart and save you.

Merry CHRISTmas

Are we there yet?

My kids love to read in the van, or to listen to books on tape so, we rarely hear, "Are we there yet???" As for me... God must be tired of listening to me saying it when it comes to my health.
It has been a long time since I've written and mainly it's because with homeschooling, sports, piano and trying to rest, is taking a lot of time out of my day.
Right now, our eldest son is gone to hockey and the three other are in bed sleeping so I have a few minutes to bring you up to date with my "issues".
To back track a bit. In January, I went to see the doctor because I was VERY tired most of the time, almost as if I was pregnant, but I wasn't. He had blood work done and some minor things showed up and he kept an eye on that. In April, I went to Bathurst and experienced dizziness, feeling faint and nauseous. I told my doctor and he sent me for an MRI but it came out fine so we concluded that it was "just" a migraine. The third week of July, I started having ear problems, mainly with the right ear. I thought it was just congestion and let it be. Then August 5th I had my first "attack". The doctor felt the symptoms showed that it must be Vagal which is known as Vaso Vagal, when your Vagus nerve is stimulated by either stress, or something you ate that is not agreeing with you and makes you dizzy, heart rate rise, blood pressure drop and vomiting. He could not guarantee that it would not happen again but what I've often heard is that one Vagal in a persons lifetime is normal. By September 11th, 36 days since my first "Vagal" I had had 5 Vagals. That was not normal. I was scheduled with Peter Ford, a renown Pharmacist, a cardiologist app., a holter for 24 hours, a hearing test and an ultra sound of the heart.
My doctor was convinced that I had liquid behind the eardrum and that was my ear problem. Well.... I had my hearing test yesterday and come to find out, I've lost 40BTU (I think that was the measurement they used) out of 100 of hearing. I knew I could not hear well in that ear! Then they also discovered that that my eardrums are fine, there is no liquid behind it. The problem is in my inner ear. I was told to expect a call from the ear, nose and throat doctor for an app. within the next two weeks at the latest. I got a call the next morning, today, from my doctor asking if I thought I could make it today. I said yes, the specialist called me a few minutes later and by 12pm I was being seen by the specialist. Drum Roll Please! (ha ha that's funny... DRUM... as in ear drum... ha ha... ok... never mind....)
The specialist told me that although my symptoms are similar to Vagals, these do not last 4-5 hours straight and leave you tired like I do. BUT Menière disease does. All the same symptoms but usually last between 4-6 hours and you are exhausted after, needing to rest for several hours after. That floored me to the exactness of the prognosis. Also, this disease is a inner ear problem and causes deafness. So, my ear did have something to do with all this. I found it strange that the only thing that changed since I started these "Vagals" was my ear.
Anyway, things get stranger. My aunt, my mother's sister, has had these same symptoms for almost 2 years now. We are pretty much at the same spot in our doctor/treatment/diagnosis journey. She told me that she couldn't wait to hear what they found with me because that would be what's wrong with her and visa versa with me. Another strange thing is that some believe that Ménière disease is often found within family.
Tomorrow, I have an app. with this specialist. She is going to give me a cortisone shot in the inner ear. ya... ... ... She said that she had to go through the eardrum and that will be painful but the hole will heal itself easily. I couldn't swallow nor talk for 15 minutes. OUF! I was worried about how long I wouldn't be able to talk... LOL
Anyway, I have a link if you want to read more about it. http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/balance/meniere.html
That is all for today, since I have some alone time, I'm going to vedge.

"We're almost there! ...."

What He could do with a softened heart.

I was reading in Proverbs, Exodus and Mark this morning. What really sent me on a thought tangent was Mark 6:34-53.
Imagine this...
You've been told that you've worked hard and deserve some rest. You and your best friends will be going on a short but relaxing trip. Some R'n'R for a job well done and more to come.
You are all ecstatic! A sigh of relief and you all start walking towards the ship, everything is ready for your departure. (Of course I have to use a cruise to keep things comparable...)
That's when it happens, everyone and their dog come down the road cheering and hollering at your guide (maybe that is your husband). He is moved with compassion. He can't bare to leave all those people needing him to help them out. To them, he is their Saviour but to you, he's your friend (maybe "just" your husband). What's the big deal? Maybe you could go without him. He looks at all of you and needs your help; he wants you to tag along.
Can you imagine that??? OUmph! I can!
It was the disciples who were being sent for some R'n'R by Jesus. He saw that they had worked hard and they were tired. Just then, as they were about to leave... in a boat... 5000 men plus women and children come around the bend, if you will. They wanted to see and hear Jesus speak to them. They needed encouragement and to be ministered to.
Now I'm fleshly, I'd be thinking something like, "I know they've probably walked days to see you and are needing ministering to but, what about us? We've been working for you, doing our best to cast out evil spirits, we've walked for days too!!!! Ahhh come on?! Can't you meet us there? ... MAN!" If you find that sounds a lot like what I would say, it's because I've been practicing...LOL.
Anyways, time goes on, the people then get hungry. I can just see the disciples faces when Jesus asks for them to feed the people. Ha ha ha.... It would be that, "You've got to be kidding, right?!" look. They must of thought He was insane. Picture it, about 15 000 people to feed. A little boy appears and offers his lunch, five loaves (not our size loaves either) and two fish. Ahhhh... isn't that cute. Peter probably patted him on the head three times and winked at him. Jesus says, Great! Thanks! That will do. Ha ha ha.... Again, imagine the thoughts going through the disciples. "Man! We thought WE were tired."
Well, there was enough food for all the people and there were twelve baskets full of leftovers.
You would think that this would shake them up a bit or blow them away. They actually get to see this all happen yet they are unmoved. How do I know? This is what happens next.
Jesus tells them that they can now go for their R'n'R, straightway (right away) they split, Jesus didn't have to twist their arm.
It's the night, so, they leave via boat and Jesus heads out to the mountain to pray. While He's there, He sees the disciples struggling against the wind storm that is going on. (Talk about going from bad to worst, I think I'd be in a really bad mood by now.)
Jesus has compassion on them and heads down there. He casually walks in their direction and they are "freaking out!". They are yelling because they don't KNOW that it's Jesus. He walks over there and gets in the boat. Once in the boat, the winds stop its fuss. ... ... ... ... It went from absolute chaos and fright to calmness and awestruck.
The bible says that, "they were sore amazed in themselves beyond measure, and wondered."
It's hard to imagine that they would not be saying to themselves, "Well I suppose He can calm the storm since He DID just feed about 15,000 people with 5 little loaves of bread and 2 fish..."
The next verse says that they didn't think about the miracle of the loaves because their heart was hardened.
Sometimes, our heart is hardened towards our family. They are "just" our family. Sometimes our heart is hardened toward people who need to be encouraged or ministered to and yet most of the time, our heart is hardened toward God. We forget what God has done in our life and what He still can do.
I have found that once I realize that my heart is hardened toward God, I need to go back to the day that He saved my soul. Like King David of the old testament said in Psalm 55, "Restore the joy of my salvation". We forget the miracle He's done in our life, so our hearts are hardened to not be able to see the power our God has.
Think back on the moment you recognised that you were not perfect; a sinner and you had no hope of going to heaven. Because of this truth, you called out to God and acknowledge to Him that He alone is God and sent His Son to die on the cross for you. Remember that day? What a miracle that was! He reached down to you and you looked up, ... reached your hand out to Him. He forgave you your sins, brushed you off from the filth of this world, hugged you and made you His child. Since then, you've walked together, side by side. He's loved you, encouraged you, taught you things about life and probably, many times, picked you up from falling; messing up.
Maybe today, you're sitting in the middle of a storm, thinking all is lost, it's no use, maybe you're thinking of throwing in the towel. Don't!!! Just wait upon the Lord, He's right there watching you and waiting for you to recognise that you need Him.
Once the disciples KNEW Him, I mean REALLY KNEW who Jesus was, they were on the other shore. They ran all over the place bringing the sick to Jesus. They wanted to see over and over again the power Jesus had and the restoration he brought to people's lives.
I don,t always have the excitement. I sure do want to REALLY know Jesus so I can help others to have their own salvation.
Although funny at times, the Word of God is real and brings such comfort, encouragement and direction. I thank God for it.

Mmmmm Salsa!

I am having a good Saturday. A little on the tired side but otherwise feeling good. My eldest daughter, 10, and I, canned homemade salsa with ingredients from our garden.
What a blessing it was.
Only one bottle did not seal but hee hee hee, that only gives me an excuse to have some tonight. ohhhh I can't wait!
Since we didn't have enough red tomatoes, we decided to put green tomatoes too. One tomatoe, that I was cutting the stem from, was green with a slight hue of red piercing through. When I cut out the stem, the inside was already red. It surprised me because I never realized that the fruit ripes from the inside out. The Lord reminded me that, like a Christian, a true child of God, the Holy Spirit changes us from the inside out. Sometimes, what's happening inside of us is not obvious to others.
Spending time with others and allowing them to get to know us, will make it easier to see the colors that are already inside, which to others, is only a slight hue piercing through on the outside.
God is so patient with us.
We had to change recipes for our salsa since we lost the one we used previously. I must say that this one is scrumptious and on the hot side... YUM! It's a keeper, so I thought I'd share it with you.
Salsa (makes 10 pints)
22 med. tomatoes (twice as many if they're on the small to med. side, we used 12 large red ones and about 6 large green ones)
4 bell peppers, coarsly chopped
3 onions, coarsly chopped
1 cup vinegar
3/4-1 cup jalepeno peppers, chopped finely (put less if you want mild salsa)
1/2 cup sugar (I put brown since I was out of white)
1/4 cup salt
1 cup (12 oz) tomato paste (we put 2 small tiny cans 5.? oz)
Cilantro to taste (optional)
3 cloves garlic minced

After getting skin off tomatoes, (dip in boiling water 20 secs., then into cold- skin falls off), chop them into bite size. Put all the ingredients into a large pot, bring to a boil and then simmer for 25 min.
In another large pot, bring water to a boil (to cover 1 pint bottles by 2 inches, at least), and place bottles gently. Place sealing covers in another pot half full of boiling water.
Use a ladle and funnel to fill hot jars with salsa, leaving 1 inch headspace. Slip a plastic knife or other non-metal straight object along sides of jar to release any bubbles. Wipe jar rim with clean washcloth for a good seal. Apply lid and ring and return into large pot of water. Water bathe pints for 15 minutes.

Enjoy!!

What's the verdict?

I've decided to bring to those who have been wondering, an update, via my blog since many are wondering how I am doing and telling the story over and over is draining. I don't like "sharing my problems" on this because I want it to be reserved for edifying my Christian sisters and to draw people to a relationship with Christ through sharing things I've learnt in God's word but, what I might not see, is how God can work in others through my trial so... here we go. Most of you know that I have been sick for the past couple of months. For those who did not know, it's nothing personal, I just did not want to alarm anyone or for people to make a big deal of something that probably isn't. Basically, on August 5th, I had what is called a Vagal. What is it? It can be brought on by stressed over a long period of time or anything that stimulates the Vagus nerve. Or it can be when something that goes, or should go, through your digestive system but something goes wrong. It sends an alarm (if you will) to your Vagus nerve, which is attached to all your organs including the heart. This nerve, in my case, sends a message to my heart. My blood pressure drops very low and to compensate, my heart beats really fast. With this, you vomit... nice eh? hmmm..... I also get VERY weak where I'm not able to stand or even sit; I just lay there, hardly able to talk and it's laborious to open my eyes. It's as if my brain can't communicate with my body. It is normal to have 1 Vagal in one's lifetime, I'm told. In 36 days, I had 5 Vagals... that is not normal. My body was trying to tell me that something was wrong but I did not understand it's language. (I speak 3 languages but this one, I did not understand) I have had MANY blood tests, that I was able to pass to Mr. Ford, from Ford's Apothecary, today. Until today, everything was a mystery. What was making my body react this way?
My husband was really worried that one of these Vagals would be my last; that I would die. Although this has not been the greatest experience for me nor for my family and friends, God has shown himself powerful and has done in miracle in my marriage through this. My advice to you would be, don't take each other for granted, you never know when you'll loose them. So, having said all that. I met with Mr. Peter Ford today. He is a well known Pharmacist throughout the world but mostly in North America, for his knowledge of the body, it's needs, and how it works. I filled out a LONGGGG form and gave him copies of my recent blood work, including the one done during my first Vagal and some that were just after and some on a normal day. He was able to see that my iron, magnesium, potassium and iodine are all low. (still in the normal range but on the lowest side of it) He explained to me that this is not a diagnosis, only a doctor can do that but from what he could see from my blood is that I am mineral deficient. These are important because this is what helps the electrical current in our system which affects the heart especially. When the minerals are low, we can expect very crazy things but in my case it was Vagals. He suggested to take mineral vitamins, since it is very difficult to find them in foods these days, unless you eat like a Japanese person.... LOL (Japanese have a high "sea vegetable" diet... Okeedokey...) (this is the part that my son Samuel will be envious of) Mr. Ford suggested I also drink half a bottle of Gatorade every day for 30 days. This will replenish my electrolytes. Sea salt is also recommended since in regular table salt, there are 2 minerals; sodium and (?) where as sea salt has 80 minerals! A hint was given to me. When I feel a lack of energy, to take 1/2 cup of water with a pinch of sea salt, within 10 min. I will feel re-energized. "It's better than a cup of coffee!" He also suggested that I still take every test that the doctors will send me to and to be ready for many of them. If they do find something concrete, I am to call him to let him know. I need to see him in 4 weeks to see how it's going. Time will tell. I am hoping that this is what was causing the Vagals although, I can't help but be overly thankful for them. I have gained an amazing relationship with my husband, new understanding of my body and probably prevented more serious damage, and I lost over 10 lbs(!!!!), and the list goes on. God IS good!
Now, I hope to be able to start running regularly again and feel capable of doing the tasks I used to do. I hope that wasn't too confusing, for those who have been praying for me, thank you and don't quit on my now. ;)

OH! I almost forgot! I'm also pre-menopausing.... (you can't hear me but I'm cracked up laughing!) Oh the joy of growing old... and shorter. lol

Ohhhh! If but only...

Just a quick thought as I began the book of Exodus.
It's worth reading the whole first chapter of Exodus to get the just of it but as an overview: Joseph and his brothers have died and there's a new King in Egypt who did not know Joseph and his family. (Obviously does not know his history)
This new King is intimidated by the numerous Israelites and how, even with great oppression from the taskmasters, they keep multiplying and are a mighty people.
Afraid that they will join with enemies, he says this to the Israelite midwives, Exodus 1:16, "And he said, When ye do the office of a midwife to the Hebrew women, and see [them] upon the stools; if it [be] a son, then ye shall kill him: but if it [be] a daughter, then she shall live." IMAGINE!!! This is my favorite part. Exodus 1:17, "But the midwives feared God, and did not as the king of Egypt commanded them, but saved the men children alive."
We who know the "rest of the story", even after the Lord Jesus Christ's coming, death and resurrection, can appreciate the faithfulness and obedience to God. They were taking a chance with their own life by obeying God instead of the King but.... can you imagine how different the story would be if they hadn't.
Now into the context of our daily life. If we could fear the Lord (fear meaning you have an understanding of God's ability, power and might to do anything that He wills, including your life's destiny) and live in complete obedience to Him, what amazing things could He do with the future.
If but only....

A Father's love....

It has been an embarrassingly long time since I blogged last. Somehow, the summer is without "official" school (homeschool) but I don't gain more time in my day. It must be because I get to do the things I don't do all year round like gardening, travelling etc.
My time alone with the Lord has not taken a back seat even with the summer being here but taking what He's shown me, to the computer takes extra time I don't always have. I actually considered not doing it anymore but a friend of mine told me that it is a blessing and encouragement to her so I will continue until the Lord says otherwise.
Now! Unto what the Lord showed me today, which was SO COOL!!!!
I finished reading the whole bible early this summer so I am in Genesis and Matthew again. This morning, I was reading Genesis 48 and was so immersed in it and only had two other chapters before being done that book and on to Exodus so I read the last three chapters; 48-49 and 50.
Now this time frame is after Joseph was thrown in a pit by his 10 brothers and eventually sold as a slave to the Ishmeelites, who brought him to Egypt. Joseph eventually becomes governor of the land there and is Pharaoh's "right hand man", after many trials and betrayal. Because he was favored by Pharoah, his whole family was favored and able to live in Goshen where the land was sufficient for survival. Joseph took care of his family there. These three chapters are about Jacob's last moments as he talks with Joseph and his two grandsons and then blesses them. He then gives his blessings to his other 11 sons.
(It's the end of Jacob's life, who's name changed to Israel in chapter 31.) Joseph hears about his father dying and goes to see him with his two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim. Jacob gives the blessing to the second child born above the first born. Joseph tries to correct Jacob but his father reassures him that he is doing right. Joseph doesn't understand but allows his father to do as he chooses.
As I read these three chapters, I was touched by the love this father had for his children and the wisdom he had although his sons might not of agreed with his decisions. I recognized the similarities to our Father in Heaven. He loves us so much. Our confessed sins, He forgets (Psalm 103:12) and sees His Son, Jesus Christ, in us, our righteousness. If this doesn't sink in, imagine being able to have no memory of the wrong your children have done and only the perfection of them. How much easier and abundant our love for them would be, but our sins get in the way of our love being able to be manifested towards them.
The two other things were more study type.
1st When they embalmed Jacob, it took 40 days. Jesus also fasted 40 days before going from ministering to the people to being crucified, for the remission of our sin. After His resurrection, He ministered again on earth for 40 days before He rose into Heaven with His body.
What the Lord showed me here is that it takes time for change to happen and to give life's changes TIME to take it's course.
2nd Was the order of Jacob's sons' birth. Usually, the firstborn get the inheritance. Ruben was the first born yet because of his betrayal to his father, he lost it. (same with us, we will not loose our salvation but after we are saved, we can affect our inheritance in Heaven, depending on how we walk here on earth). His father although did notice his character which was what brought Ruben to save Joseph's life when his other brothers, except Benjamin, wanted to kill him.
Judah was Jacob's fourth son, with the wife that he was tricked into marrying, yet that is who God chose to be the generational line to Jesus Christ.
It spoke to me two things. One, that God doesn't always do things that make sense to us but His thoughts are not our thoughts, they are higher than ours. He sees the big picture. Second, it doesn't matter what negative things are and/or were in your life, if you allow God to use you and live for Him, He will do amazing things with you and through you.
I also thought it was pretty cool that later on, there are two kingdoms; one named Israel (the dad once named Jacob) and the second Judah (the son of Jacob/Israel) then comes the third kingdom, that of Jesus Christ's but it was no longer an earthly kingdom but a Heavenly one. Cool....
So much to learn from God's word, the Bible. Selah

How merciful!

Good thing I'm not relying on my blog entering for Heaven entry.... because I would not make it. ha!
As I continue to read God's word, it continues to minister to me as it did this morning. Proverbs and Genesis both spoke to me and reminded me of my sinful nature and that I'm needing of mercy. It was in Matthew 12 that I really got a reminder of God's love for me. In verse 20, "A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench, till he send forth judgment unto victory."
The Pharisees tried to trick Jesus in the corn field about eating from the field on the Sabbath, I read this and thaught about the fact that the disciples had stolen the corn for food. It wasn't the left over but actual ears of corn. The Lord reminded me that Jesus was giving His disciples HIS corn... God owns everything on this earth. Then, as I kept reading, Jesus talks about healing a man's hand, and the Pharisees trouble Jesus with healing on the Sabbath. Jesus tells them the story about if a sheep falls into a pit, will the owner not leave his other sheep to go rescue this sheep even on the Sabbath. The Lord reminded me that I am His sheep, I belong to Him, I am His child since the day I was saved.
As I read further, and arrived at the verse 20, I saw the mercy Jesus showed to, as the bruised reed; the sinful people, the Pharisees, those who rejected and tortured Him. He still chose to be beaten, tortured and hated, nailed to a cross, die alone, thirsty and hungry. Why? For me, a bruised reed, a Pharisee, a wicked, sinful person. He could of destroyed them before He even went to the cross, because He owned everything we use, walk on, eat and need, but He didn't, He died on the cross ... for me, for you.
How merciful is that.

How God used my son Jacob.

I finished reading the whole bible once again so I started back in Genesis this morning, after reading Proverbs 17. I'm always amazed how God can show a new thing every time you read something again. The first chapter, as you know, talks about how the universe came into being. About 6000 years ago, over a span of 6 days, God created everything and rested on the 7th day. Then in chapter 2, it's broken down into a bit more detail, almost like zooming in, you see more detail but it is a recap. Genesis 2:5 says, "And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew: for the LORD God had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and [there was] not a man to till the ground." I found that very interesting... before things could grow, it had to rain and the ground needed to be tilled.

Yesterday, I spent time tilling my flower garden. The ground was amazingly hard considering we had had quite a bit of rain thus far. I used a tool called the "CLAW" the bottom part is the part that goes in the ground and looks like a few "W"s, a claw. Then there is a broom like handle with what looks like handle bars from a bicycle on top. (Sounds like some of the descriptions from the book of Ezekiel eh? lol) I had to step onto the claw part of the tool and pushed down so I could actually get the claws into the ground. Then I had to really work hard at twisting the "CLAW" to actually break the fallow ground. Why was I doing that? For three most important reasons: to loosen up the earth, allowing me to take out the weeds WITH the roots, to allow the rain to penetrate the ground easily and nourish the plants and third, so that the plant can also easily receive the nutrients/vitamins of the sun which could better travel through loosened ground. Here's the comparison. We, like the plant, can't grow spiritually without the ground of our heart be rained upon and tilled.
Let me give you one of many examples that God used in my life to till the ground of my heart and you'll better be able to see the purpose in it. It's the morning after I had the ultrasound for our third baby, Jacob. My doctor just finished telling me that our baby was a boy but there were complications. They could only see one kidney but if it was healthy, he could live a healthy life. Then came the heart dropping news. The baby only had one half of his pelvis, no right hip and no right leg. I was shocked! Things like this only happen to other people. How could this be? My world came crashing down. I was devastated. I didn't understand that God wanted to draw me closer to Him but for that to happen, the ground of my heart needed to be tilled; broken and loosened up. The doctor left me alone in the room to make a call to the children's hospital in Halifax. He wanted a more thorough ultra sound to see if there were any other "problems". While he was gone, I paced the floor sobbing. I was crying out to God in confusion; wondering why and how. Where was He in all this? What was going to happen next? I called unto God in need of help, comfort and direction. I heard Him speak to my heart, "I want to take you on a journey. Will you go?" I told Him, "If you walk with me, I'll go anywhere!" The doctor came in with the time and date I needed to be in Halifax and asked me the next question, "Since you are only 18 weeks, it is not too late. If you want, you can still abort the baby." I said no obviously. It was not for me to choose the "destiny" of this child. I was willing to allow God to till the ground of my heart, no matter how hard it would get because I knew that He would never leave me nor forsake me. For the past almost 8 years, God has helped me grow and experience life in a way I never imagine possible. I met amazing, and wonderful people that I would of never met otherwise. God had to till the ground of my heart in many other ways but, when I humbled myself and allowed Him to do it, trusting He had my best interest at heart, I always received blessings abundantly. He continues to bless me everyday, mostly with just having Him by my side.
I don't know what is happening in your life, but if you feel like the inside of you chest is being ripped out, that your life is out of your control and that you world seems upside down, maybe the Lord is trying to break that fallow (hard) ground of your heart and draw you closer to Him. Let Him, you'll never be sorry for it.